As a recovering perfectionist, I do my best not to use the word perfect too often. It is unrealistic most of the time and it can be a real letdown if not achieved, which, again is usually unrealistic. To be honest, most of the “perfect” experiences I’ve had are solely happenstance, as planning for “perfect” usually sets ensures it goes okay at best, or terrible at worst.

As a kid and teenager, my birthday was always incredible. You really can’t beat a birthday on a holiday centered on candy and costumes. As an adult, after my partying days in my 20s came to an end, it’s been a bit more disappointing. I spent years disappointed by someone who put in minimal effort, and then years sad that I didn’t have someone to make my birthdays special for me. Somewhere along the way, I realized I can be the person who makes them special and so I began traveling for them. Rather than have to find something to do, I curated the places I wanted to be and the things I wanted to do. It helped me fight off the loneliness that comes with getting older, being single and family that isn’t part of my life.

Last year for my birthday, I returned to NYC after many years of avoiding it due to the memories it held. I was pleasantly surprised that I had an incredible birthday filled with my favorite things and some of favorite people. After that, I was clearly coming back to NYC for my birthday again this year (maybe every year?). Recreating the experience from last year wasn’t the goal, instead, creating another new memory with some of the same things and some new things. All I really wanted was joy, so that’s what I set out to do.

When Harry’s “Together, Together” tour was announced, I knew I’d find a way to be there on that final night for Harryween. The last time I saw him live, joy was palpable for days and I needed to have that again. I also knew I’d do some classes at Peloton, as it’s one of my very happiest places. Beyond that, I decided to leave a lot more to chance than I normally would, leaving space for magic to find me.

What transpired over the weekend blew all expectations out of the water and will be hard to top. It ended up being a pretty perfect weekend, and partially because I left myself open to possibilities and forced nothing. I let the Universe provide and tapped into intuition to know what was a “hell yes” and what was a “meh” or a hard no.

Last year I found a great bakery to make a gluten free and dairy free cake, so I ordered it for pick up Friday morning. I successfully navigated the Subway to get there and back, which although I spent a large number of weekends in NY when I lived in CT and my boyfriend at the time lived in the city. He didn’t believe in public transportation (I know, I KNOW) so it wasn’t something I knew how to do. But outside of a few times, I used it most of the weekend without issue! This brought a strange amount of joy, not only because I did it successfully, but because it felt like I was proving how different I was now versus then.

I had my first Peloton class (a Walk + Run with Olivia) Friday afternoon and while my knee felt pretty horrible afterward, was able to make it through class which was a win. Doing a ton of classes and hanging around to see if I get off the waitlist is something I’ve done a few times at Peloton, but I knew my knee wasn’t happy and I didn’t want to press my luck so I kept only the two I ended up confirmed for, Olivia’s class and then a Flow & Let Go stack with Aditi.

I did yoga with Aditi on my birthday last year so I feel like this is a new tradition. She was amazing and the class was great. The meditation was just what I needed and didn’t even get too emotional. The magic of PSNY is something that’s hard to describe to anyone not in the “cult”. The energy is electric. Getting to see the instructors going to and from classes and all of the incredible people that make those classes happen, it’s like being on set at your favorite TV show.

A few days before I arrived, my friend Brooke, who was in NYC for her birthday not long before me, gave me a few ideas of things to add to my itinerary, which included “Oh Mary!“ as a play that wasn’t super long so wouldn’t keep me out too late. I grabbed a ticket for Friday night and was SO exited that Bowen Yang was Mary. It was everything I could have wanted and more. I laughed to near tears for almost the entire 90 minutes. Now I want to go back and see it with another Mary because I imagine it changes the dynamic, and I’d love to see another take on it. There’s nothing like the joy of pure laughter, and seeing artists at the top of their craft.

Birthday morning was nice and slow, which I needed. After yoga at Peloton, I ordered from the gluten free bagel shop that does GF/DF breakfast sammies and enjoyed it at the hotel. While I make my own GF bagels and sammies at home, there’s nothing like being able to just pick one up and not worry about eating it. I then quickly got ready and headed down to say hi to Sarah for a few minutes and then enjoyed my free birthday Starbucks and while shopping. I realized I hadn’t packed pants to wear for marathon cheering so decided to allow myself to buy a new leisure matchy set somewhere. I tried several places but landed on a combo from Varley that is comfy but also not truly sweatpants-y so it’s a good combo home and outside lounge set. I’m in my everything needs to have multiple uses era.

I let my body rest for a bit before starting to get ready for the main event: Harryween. I was excited for the concert but also to see my friend Kim who I haven’t seen in years, and weirdly excited about my costume. Finally, I had a good reason to go over the top!

Before I got to see Kim, I stopped to get the adorable and delicious mocktail in the light up glass and ended up running into someone who I was aware of from one of my favorite Peloton instructors and after feeling weird about asking him if he was in fact him, we chatted for a while, I bought his drink to power him through the marathon the next day and grabbed a pic for Instagram and a promise for a hug the next day (which we got). The funniest part is that I was SO sad to not get to take a class with her over the weekend as she was running with a big goal, and so I feel like the Universe said, “I got you, here’s one of her IRL friends”. Again, pure joy and positive energy that just made me say “you are exactly where you are supposed to be”.

Then finally got to Kim and Daniela, who we both knew of each other but had never met in person. We chatted about life and Harry, and what celebrities we might see before each going to our own seats and dancing for the next few hours. My horoscopes had been pointing to happy reunions and this was definitely it. It was a great reminder that years pass but good connections never do, they just need to reconnect!

Harry was perfect. Okay almost perfect as I could have gone another hour for a few more of my favorite songs, but the show was incredible. Including Jalen Brunson coming dressed as Harry to present his MSG 30 nights banner, and of course, Harry as Pizza Rat.

I have never been happier he was so hot and sweaty he was going to collapse so he changed out of it into shorts, though. Nothing really prepares you for “Coming up Roses” being sung by Harry in rat ears and tail accompanied by a string quartet. And Harry DJing for a while before “Aperture” actually played has me convinced we could see way more actual dance music coming. The entire set was pure joy. The moments where you feel the arena shaking because everyone is dancing and you can literally feel grounded in the positive energy, it’s magic.

The final plan for the weekend was to cheer on the NYC marathoners. I decided to head to Brooklyn where the Peloton cheer station was going to be, but quickly decided I cared way more about seeing the race than hanging with Peloton so went off just to the side and hunkered down in the perfect spot for the next 5+ hours. It meant I got to see the elites up close, and was in a spot where my sign and my voice were both able to be found by most of the folks I actually knew who were running. This included my favorite moment of the day when Jonathon was looking for me we got to have a giant hug before he went on to absolutely crush his goal.

Marathon cheering is an emotional journey for me, because I know how much time and energy these people have put in to get to the start line and you never know how race day is going to go. For most of my races over the 17 or so years I’ve been running, I haven’t had anyone there to cheer me on, so I take it seriously on the chance that someone who hears me yell the name they’ve out on their shirt out feels seen and loved for that moment. Everyone deserves to feel like an elite on race day, and I get so much pure joy from cheering, it fills me up for weeks.

At this point I’m about a week into 46, and have decided that playing small is no longer a thing. I tell the people I love that I love them. I am taking chances with new things. I’m carving time out for myself and my passions. I’m focusing on feeling good, even if that sometimes means doing the hard thing (like eating less sugar) so that I can show up with the energy I want at every moment. I am so incredibly grateful for this life that I’ve built and the people who are part of it. The version of me a few years ago would be so in awe of herself. And I love that for us.